I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
