I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
