i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So squirting runs in the family.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
