Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
