I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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