I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize