Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
