It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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