So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
