he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
