one word: firstdatebathroomanal
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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