it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
