I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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