Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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