Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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