well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
