i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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