he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
