hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
