it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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