i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
