i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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