why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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