If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
