We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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