Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
