There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
