I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
