you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
