you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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