drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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