for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
