I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
