You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
