dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
