But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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