Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
