If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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