Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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