Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she looked like the before picture.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
