Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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