96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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