I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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