my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
