just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
