I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
