Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's the barista slut.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
