help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
