As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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