I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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