I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My penis needs a shock collar
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
