Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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