we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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