Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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