I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
