Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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