So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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