hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
