I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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