Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
