im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize