So drunk its hurt
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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