the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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