He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
